While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
