my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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