So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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