hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
