If that was your dad, he is hot
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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