Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
