my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
