I feel like I'm in dance class right now
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
