just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
