spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
