Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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