Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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