Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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