im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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