i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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