My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
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He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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