Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
