i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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