they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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