I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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