When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and she was petting her beer can
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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