OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
