no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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