I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
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