When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
