Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
