My brain says no but my pants say off.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
