just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i would punch a child for taco bell
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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