these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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