Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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