You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
