so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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