we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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