Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
