What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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