woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
