yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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