So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
