Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
