i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
