my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
