oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I know her cup size but not her name....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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