Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
