I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
