I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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