there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
