This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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