Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you had me at cake vodka
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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