So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize