being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
