Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
