she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
