i love accidental penises.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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