can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
