i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
