Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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