You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
