Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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