I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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