i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
