She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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