Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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