Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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