Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
