Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods