Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack