She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
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I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it