I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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