please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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